It was the day of the golf tournament. I shot through the
door as fast as lightning. Mum asked why I was
in such a hurry. I looked back but didn’t say a thing. I reached the golf factory and dashed
through the design room.
That’s when it all happened...
I twisted the door handle to the
production room. Creeeaak! My ears were hit by a horrible sizzling noise. Next
thing I heard … was the ping pong of all the golf
balls flying across the room! One hit a shiny
red button. But instead
of stopping, the chaos still went on.
To the Apostrophe's Group
ReplyDeleteWell done on going back through your writing and editing it to make it even better!
I like how you have added an exclamation mark. I also like how you say "you dashed" through the door. It tells me how you went through. I also can picture the design room so great job adding in which part of the golf factory you were in.
Keep up the great writing!
Mrs Natusch
Hi Apostrophe group
ReplyDeleteWell, that was certainly a quick edit process - well done! I like the way you have made your changes a different colour so we can see what you've edited. Great variety of punctuation. You have even used ellipses. Great collaboration on your writing. I look forward to some pieces you write on your own as well.
Mrs Paton